I Literally Tried On Every Single Jean at John Lewis Until I Found THE Ones (Spoiler: There Were Two)

Truly. There are only three things I hate more than trying on jeans: having my wisdom teeth removed, trying to explain TikTok to my father, and watching my toddler nephew’s entire Fortnite highlight video that he made me watch last Christmas. Yet there I was last Tuesday walking into a mess of denim-covered john lewis jeans fitting rooms berating myself for every life decision that led me here.

There was a gaping hole in my favourite pair of black jeans (they literally died )- BITCH SLAPPED ME DOWN MID WEST COAST RUN IN THE INNER THIGH and I just needed a new pair. You guys. That wind that came blasting between my legs was not pleasant. #RIPTRENDS *runs into Primark and buys safety pins*.

Life was great. Okay but I knew I needed jeans.

But as a content creator, here’s the thing about looking cute on camera ALL the TIME – you forget what feels comfortable to wear sometimes!

I’m 5’4 with hips that love to become front facers at the worst times, jean shopping is just cruel. Add onto that that I hate shopping for jeans. UNTIL THEY FIT.

Then I live in them. every. single. day. So naturally, what’s a girl to do when she just wants to find a pair of jeans that fit? TRY ON ALL THE JEANS.

Like every pair of women’s jeans in John Lewis. START FROM SCRATCH SCIENCE METHOD. I got the weirdest look from the john lewis jeans fitting room lady when I marched up with an armload of jeans. “doing a clear out in there love?” She asked. “No.

Just mentally breaking shit. Sure.” First up? Levi’s good ol’ faithful 501s because every “in the know” fashion person says they’re THE jean.

Now hear me out- they’re great? If you want to look like you just stepped out of a 90’s rock band music video- They’re perfect. But LIVE in them?

Move around in them? Function as a regular adult human being? It’s practically cardboard box tube cut outs for legs.

Excuse me while I RIP these AFFORDABLE jeans. Moving onto the ripped at the knee jeans that are killing it on my FYP right now. Let’s talk about how these actually live up to their name as brothers.

These babies ride up SO HIGH I thought I was going to rip a lung. And they LOOK great? My waist looked teeny tiny and my legs looked even longer- but I couldn’t breathe!

Literally sat down to try them on and I thought I was gonna DIE. Do these brands know we exist? Do they?

By hour two I was convinced I was going to die from lack of jeans that fit me. I text my girl Maya through the ordeal to meet me at John Lewis with some coffee. At this point I’ve tried on at least 30 pairs of jeans and nothing is cutting it.

Whistles makes me look like I should be wearing leggings with a jean jacket and shouting about bands in 2003. AND/OR has this huge gap in the butt- like there’s an actual hole in my jeans that could fit my iPhone. The lighting in the fitting room is awful (hello polarizing lights John Lewis WHY), I’m sweating from anxiety ( jean Shopping is the worst) and I’m about to start eating my own shoe when Maya finally arrives with my life saving Flat White.

She takes one look at me and bursts out laughing- “this looks like a crime scene but give it a bit of fashion” OBVIOUSLY that’s NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE. Fast forward to jean pair thirty times something. By this point, I’ve zoned so far out that I don’t even feel like myself trying on jeans.

I actually took notes on my phone à la Fashion TikTok. Notes like “cuts circulation in the waist but gapes like crazy when you stand up. WHO ARE THESE jeans for?” and “pockets so tiny you can’t even fit your hand in them lol what’s the point even” Then.

The pair I ended up getting came into view. From Albaray- not gonna lie I’d heard the name but wasn’t really sure what styles they offered. And I threw on a random pair kinda annoyed that none of the jeans I liked LOOKED good on me.

But when I looked in the mirror, something didn’t automatically annoy me about them? They just Fit. Right.

They weren’t aggressively high waisted but they smoothed everything out. They skimmed my legs rather than clingy. And then Maya made me sit down to see them move with my body rather than against it.

Miracles. “OH MY GOD” I exclaimed to Maya. “I think we found THE ones.” She looked up from instagram and analyzed my jean-dentity. “Your butt looks amazing. If that doesn’t sway you.” FITS LIKE A DREAM THAT SWEPT MY DECISION. I grabbed my jean whipping bag and did every possible angle in those bad boys.

Stood up, sat down, even Squatted*eye rolls at y’all if you’re not squatting in jeans you have it backwards* checked the jean mirror and lowkey screamed when they actually looked good with my chunky vans- checked them with boots, cuff them, full length. I kid you NOT ONE of these jeans acted like that. Something was off.

Were they gonna fall apart the first wash? Shrink on me? Catch on FIRE?

I tried on another six pairs “just because” but honestly? Nothing compared to those babies. John Lewis fitting room babe even insisted I try on a last pair. “These are the new ones that just came in yesterday,” she whispered “everyone is buying them.” Nobody’s Child skinny jeans.

I almost didn’t even try them on because I was already convinced I found the one. BUT I’m so glad I did. The fit is slightly different from the Albaray ones- They’re a tiny bit more of a relaxed straight leg with this perfected cropped length that I could see myself wearing with anything.

Same great high waist magic. No gap in the butt showdown. And They actually give my legs some length- that’s always a bonus at my height. “plot twist. you found 2” Maya yelled.

So yea. I bought both. I’m telling you guys this probably spent 3 hours in that jean shop.

But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Sure, I found some jeans that fit my body (praise be!) but also learned a little lesson about trying to fit INTO trends vs. clothing that FITS your lifestyle. It’s like everyone loves yelling about rigid denim and vintage Levi’s but some of us have jobs/have to MOVE in our jeans okay.

Everyone and their mama is wearing low riders right now but they look ridiculous on EVERY BODY TYPE that isn’t a size 2�. It’s okay to like whatever you want to wear. Sure those almond x Nobody’s Child jeans I bought aren’t the “it” jeans John Lewis had.

They probably aren’t even the chicest jeans my fellow London Fashion girls in Shoreditch are wearing or the jeans sitting at the top of Vogue’s Page. But they FIT my lifestyle. They FIT my body.

They compliment how I LIVE my life rather than just how I look scrolling through Instagram. That’s what I’m learning to appreciate more about my style- how it works for ME.

We can’t let ourselves be tortured into wearing some wack ass silhouette because Instagram made us think we should like it.

Trust me y’all. I sat in jean thugs for 3 hours and came out of it with two pairs I love. So next time you spot some goof within Austin wearing either Albaray straight legs or Nobody’s child relaxed jeans 90% of the time.

Chances are- it’s gonna be me still celebrating my win finding not one but TWO pairs of pants that fit me on the same day. And if you’re looking to do your own jean expedition. Take notes- snacks.

Friend with good taste. And if they don’t fit you- ITS THE JEANS, BITCH NOT YOUR BODY. Shout out to all the jean warriors/maniacs at john lewis fitting room department.

You guys deserve a paycheck raise at this point. Listening to us break down about every jean that doesn’t fit us like you’re our therapists.