How To Avoid Styling Yourself into Invisibility (Without Dressing Like a Peacock) Many years ago I realised that there were two types of clothes horror stories: the ones that drew too much attention (“Is that Foobaristan-made platformantelope leather I see you wearing?”) and the ones that didn’t draw enough attention at all (“Were you the bloke wearing…”). I was squarely in the latter camp when I decided, back in my mid-twenties, that networking would help my fledgling career in publishing. So I turned up to an evening industry event wearing what I thought was professional… a navy blazer (sadly baggy in the shoulders), beige chinos (also tragically too long) and brown brogues (comfortable but worn-down).
I politely introduced myself to publishers/editors/agents/people-I’d-put-on-my-bookmarked-flyer-and-invited-four-times-for-no-reply for three hours before concluding that it had been a success. Several weeks later a fellow junior publicist mentioned she’d been there too. “Were you the guy wearing…” she waved vaguely at me. Not only had I failed to network, I’d also styled myself out of existence.
My stylish friend Charlotte (who is enviably born with that Vogue-shoot-in-a-field-way-of-looking-at-things) quietly gave me a shoulder shrug and downed her gin and tonic. “Honestly Jenn,” she said, stirring it exactly ten times to the left then ten times to the right like a human metronome. “You’ve presented yourself as someone who doesn’t want to be here. You look apologetic.” She was so, so right.
I’d confused trying not to look stupid with blending into the wallpaper.
I had made myself invisible by neutering my style completely. Because let’s face it, boring and neutral aren’t the same thing. Granted, there is beauty in simplicity and many masterclass-level lessons to be learned from pared-back style.
But never—not once—had I been accused of dressing well in that get-up. Which leads me to my first disastrous style lesson. Don’t “tone it down” just for the sake of it.
Tone it down because it feels right, because it’s evening and you’re going straight from work to dinner and your leather trainers go with everything. Tone it down because you spent last night packing boxes and feel like wearing your favourite joggers more than anything in the world. But don’t “tone it down” and end up wearing what I like to call “the almost fit”.
You know the look; trousers too short but not hipster-on-purpose-short, jacket two sizes too big because you tucked in the tag so didn’t bother trying the shoulder button. Shirt sleeves that finish midway down your wrist bone. A collective of clothes that aren’t quite fitted enough to each individual piece to make you look intentional, but enough to just look clueless.
One of my friends was once promoted three months after getting his suit jacket tailored. The man was a total whizz at his job but had always been quietly edged-over for promotions by someone less talented. We’re talking apple-orange stuff here.
But he wore “blah”. Suit that hung off him, white shirt too crisp and slightly too big,specs too small. The first time we went for a pint after he’d had his suit altered he literally looked like the same person but people had started to notice him. “I didn’t realise clothes were that obvious,” he said. “I thought it was pointless caring about stuff like that.” And that right there is the dangerous thing about dressing like someone who forgot to put any effort in.
We’ve been socially conditioned to believe that if we care about what we wear, we’re vain. If we take pride in our appearance we’re stupidly shallow. Bullshit.
When you turn up to work/events/social occasions you are making a statement whether you like it or not. So make sure you’re putting out the right signals. ‘Tailoring doesn’t suit me.’ Wear shirts that do actually fit you. Don’t just wear beige because you read that somewhere. ‘Neutrals are slimming.’ Put some effort into the things that you wear 24/7.
Jeans, trousers, shirts, jumpers. Quit wearing stuff just because you got it cheap. Think about whether it FITS. ‘I don’t know how to wear colour.’ Learn, then wear JUST ENOUGH.
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Add something colourful to a neutral outfit. It doesn’t have to be your wholeensemble; a coloured pocket square, colourful tie, bright belt. Trust me, I used to be one of these people.
We buy all of these things subconsciously and then throw them together without thinking. Another one: Never—but never—repeat your work outfit for an after-work meal. I cannot stress this rule enough.
I spent my year nine social destined-forschool-dinner-disaster in the same trousers and shirt as I did school that day. Another day, another old university friend rocked-up to his niece’s Christening wearing the exact same clothes he’d been Pottering around campus in that morning. It’s one thing if you work in a creative field and your job literally involves wearing paint-spattered jeans everyday.
But outside of that? Don’t give people the option of not seeing you because you looked bored with life by wearing the same thing twice. We’ve all done it.
Hell, I do it sometimes on autumnal weekend hikes because who has the energy to get dressed-up to walk their dog? But anything clothing-related you wear to work you should at least CHANGE before you leave the house. If it’s good enough for Netflix and co to hire reporters to dig through your lost property for that scarf they apparently love, it’s good enough for me.
Buy a cheap(ish) dress shirt that you love the fit of then always keep one at work. It doesn’t need to be expensive, it just needs to fit really well. That way when you leave the office you’re not just Mr Mu Shoe-sock Combo From Mondays at home life too.
Someone once told me that the best dressed folks are the ones who make it look EFFORTLESS. NEWSFLASH. It takes effort to look effortless.
I’m not saying go out and buy a Prada suit just because you read an article that says so. What I’m saying is… look at your clothes. Look at them when you’re in your bedroom picking an outfit.
Look at them in the changing rooms. Ask yourself if they FIT.
Are those trousers really you at your waist slimming?
Or are they pulled ta t tightly around your thighs that you look like Mario in Super Kart? Someone once said that being stylish is a skill like any other. The more you practise it, the better you become.
I look back at photos of myself from school and goddamn it I looked sharp. Pink snow leopard onesie top? Tight.
Rolled up cargos? STREET CRED. Point is, I cared about what I wore and spent years honing that skill.
So open your mind a little. Next time you go to get dressed, stand in front of your wardrobe thinking, ‘if my best friend/parent/make-up artist wore this what would I think?’ Honestly, you’ll feel better for it.
