I was waiting in line at my aggressively hip Seattle coffee shop last week (they serve espresso in little handmade ceramic cups and their baristas have those artisanally messy buns that take fifteen hours to perfect) when a woman behind me started raving about my linen blazer. “Oh my god, WHERE did you get that? It’s from Eileen Fisher’s new eco-line, right?
I’ve been checking their website everyday waiting for that jacket to go on sale.” I slowed my grinding of coffee beans and took a dramatic sip of my oat milk latte (of course it was oat milk, duh), smiled, and said what is now my go-to response whenever someone compliments something I’m wearing: “Nope, it’s actually from Target’s Universal Thread line. Only cost me thirty- two bucks.” Watch her face melt through that GIF of confused to delighted admiration that every person who hears this speech experiences. It’s a universal reaction.
People are just so damned surprised when something they think is expensive actually isn’t! I’ll admit it.
I love turning people.
Oh how I love turning people.
It’s become a weird hobby of mine- piecing together outfits with threads pulled from all corners of the cost-spectrum that together achieve maximum “look like you spent way more money than you actually did” effect. Spending just enough money to trick the easily fooled into thinking I’m some shop-local-sanctioned, granola-crunching bourgeois babe that totally just drove past me in a damn Lexus.
It started, I think, four years ago while I was at some sustainable agriculture conference (read: listening to people talk about compost for hours on end) when a woman breezed past me, nodded hello, and complimented my “perfect Madewell culottes.” They were from Uniqlo, cost me less than two bottles of wine, and aside from muttering some bullshit about “thanks! so excited! vague designer you clearly know” under my breath I sort of just let the moment pass. I felt bad about it later, but we’ve all lied about our outfits before, haven’t we? Truthfully, I’ve become kind of obsessed with discovering the high streetstandins for all the brands I’ll never be able to afford.
Knockoffs? Ewwwww no. For several strictly-online-digital-dollars I will not wear clothes that rip people off.
But I’m talking about that certain “expensive person energy” that so many brands have managed to package and sell. You know the one I’m talking about. That “Oh I have a ceramics studio and spend all summer up in Maine” energy that certain brands have so thoroughly mastered and charged us all hundreds of dollars to wear.
I want to wear that energy. Without actually wearing those brands. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand why people want to wear those brands.
If you have the money to blow on clothes definitely blow it on things that will age well and be flattering on your 50 year old ass. Speaking of which, let’s talk about what makes the expensive clothes worth it. Assuming you can actually afford them, which so few of us can.
The fit is unparalleled. Better stitching, less chance of seams falling apart after you wash your shirt three times. Natural fabrics that won’t lose their shape with wear.
Colours that actually complement the oddly specific colour palette that every other thing in your closet happens to be. Clothes that actually FIT real people with actual breasts and stomachs and butt cracks that jiggle when we sprint for the bus. But, dear readers, what happens when your budget scoffs indignantly at $150 white t-shirts (mine, too! )?
Behold! My not-at-all timely guide to achieving high-brow on a low budget. Target Universal Thread is having a major moment right now and I hope they never change it up.
Their linen game has seriously stepped up over the past year or two. Last spring they came out with this loose button-up in the most beautiful shade of sage green. Not bright green-green, but that “maybe I spilled orange juice on this while I was eating a boar’s heart in my sun soaked greenhouse studio” shade of green.
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It drapes so nicely, and has got so soft with each wash that I can’t help but feel fancy wearing it. All for $28! Speaking of linen-cotton blends; Uniqlo is where I hit for all my basics.
I’m also obsessed with their linen- cotton blend shirts lately. They feel so heavy and substantial without breaking the bank. I picked up this chunky cotton workshirt in the cutest burnt orange colour last summer and I’ve got more questions about where I got it than any other article of clothing I own.
Price tag? Thirty-four dollars. And it looks even better now, slightly faded from loving washes, than it did when I first bought it.
I never thought I’d say this but H&M has some real winners in their Conscious collection. Ignore 95% of what’s in that store, head straight for the natural fibre pieces, and you’ll find gems like this collarless linen number I scored last summer. In the most perfect shade of slate grey (these muted, slightly complex greys that high end brands are so, so good at) it’s been getting more play than anything in my closet.
Fifty-three dollars isn’t cheap, but when a shirt gets that many compliments it’s totally worth it. &tOther Stories is a bit pricier than people expect, but still cheaper than I’d ever spend on something like this boiled linen shirt. Knitwear is another thing I love from them; it has that cozy but still-sort-of-fitful vibe that expensive jumper brands are oh so good at. And OH the colours!
The slightly muddy hues that all high end brands arentiquely gifted at; mossy greens, burnt oranges, oatmeal yellows, dusty pinks. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Everlane isn’t cheap but they often have sales!
Which means you can get your hands on some of the quintessential pieces that screams expensive-person-withoutActually-Spending-Money category. Their linen shirts are perfect for summer; lightweight and easy to dress up or down. I love throwing their basic tees and tanks under everything to elevate affordable pieces.
I’ve also found that even Nordstrom Rack is stepping up their house brands game; namely Halogen, which encompasses that whole barely There really is something to be said for buying cheap clothes that fit nicely. About rubbish stitchings and synthetic fabrics that pill after two washes. About natural fabrics that get softer with each wash.
About solids and muted colours and tiny fabric blends that make clothes feel like a million bucks. Here’s the thing about expensive clothes though; they actually ARE expensive for a reason. For the most part.
Higher end brands use french seams. Their linings actually match up with the outer layer of the garment.
Natural fabrics from Target won’t look as good five years from now as they did the day you bought them.
They just won’t.
But there’s something incredibly satisfying about curating a closet full of pieces that trick the unknowing into thinking you spend your paycheck on clothes. You don’t have to break the bank to look expensive.
You just have to put a little more thought into where you’re shopping. Which brings me to last week when I was wearing my Uniqlo trousers, Target shirt, and some thrifted leather boots I scored at Goodwill when I ran into a woman I recognised from various environmental conferences (hey, we have a lot in common!) staring intently at my outfit. “Excuse me!
I love your Eileen Fisher shirt-dress! Where did you get it? It’s so me!” Turns out that twenty-nine dollar pair of trousers, thirty-two dollar shirt, and eight dollar boots totaled up in her mind to one affordable luxury brand that makes clothing I would probably never be able to afford.
But you know what? I smiled and thanked her. Maybe I’ll let her keep thinking that.
