Everyone talks about high neck dresses like they’re a fit problem to solve, like the only thing that matters is whether it hits your collarbone or your jaw. Nobody talks about the actual problem, which is that you’re going to sit across a table from someone for two hours in a restaurant that runs its heat like it’s trying to prove a point, and a high neck doesn’t sit there quietly, it presses.
I own four of these now, which is three more than a person who claims to prioritize function over looks should own, and I bought every single one for a date. My brother Sam saw the pile on my bed before the fourth one and said “you know it’s just a shirt with the top button stuck, right,” and he wasn’t wrong, but he also wears the same three flannels in rotation so I don’t take his fashion opinions as gospel.
The rule I’ve landed on after four dates and one incident involving a bread basket is this. If the fabric doesn’t have any give at the neck, you will spend the entrée doing a subtle chin lift every time you laugh, and it looks less like confidence and more like you’re checking the ceiling for something.
The one that actually worked had a mock neck with just enough stretch that I forgot it was there by the time the check came, which for me is the whole test. If I’m thinking about my collar during dessert, the dress lost.
You Might Also Like
Compliment count matters less than people think, and I say that as someone who counts. Three separate “you look great” comments on the same dress and only one of them meant anything, the one where he noticed I’d swapped it for something with a higher neck than what I usually wear and asked if I was cold, because I was, because it was July and the restaurant had the AC set to Arctic and my neck was the only part of me that felt like I was wearing a scarf.
That’s the tradeoff nobody puts in the copy. You look put together and you sweat through it a little, and the good ones let some air in at the collar so you’re not visibly overheating by the bread course.
One of the four is a gamble and I know it. Turtleneck cut, sleeveless, works if you’ve got the shoulders and the nerve for it, looks like a costume if you don’t, and I wore it once and felt like I was auditioning for something. I’m not taking it out again for a while. The mock neck stays. Everyone can keep pretending this category is just about the neckline. I’ll be the one quietly checking if the restaurant has good air conditioning before I decide which one to wear.
