Alright, let’s talk about something that makes me livid every festival season. I’m talking about the deluge of Instagram photos and magazines proudly showing off celebrities’ festival outfits every time Glastonbury lands in our feeds. Sure, they’re fun to look at, but realistically NONE of them are things that REAL festival-goers wear.
No one walks around like Alexa Chung in crisp white jeans and vintage band shirts that aren’t covered in mud. How cute are Kate Moss’s wellies but do YOU wear Hunter boots to a festival? I certainly don’t, no matter how chic they may look layered under a dress.
Editors love nothing more than showing celebrity festival outfits; headline images splashed across Pinterest boards and inspiring thousands of hopeless festival-goers to attempt a recreation of a $400 Ganni boot worn by a British Airways-financed model. And while I get it, this is content we can all click on and festivals can be fun to dress up for; I’ve been to festivals before, y’know.
Music festivals.
Seeing these overly-styled festival photos is like watching someone plan their beach vacay with nothing but hotel brochures as reference; so picturesque, yet so completely useless when you actually show up.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the past few months while scrolling through various festival previews with sweat still dried to my skin from past weekends. I’ve been at enough music festivals to know that these Instagram feeds do not represent REAL LIFE Festival.
I’ve been to Glastonbury twice. Coachella would have killed me. A.W.O.L gave me PTSD.
I know festival fashion when I see it. Last summer I was sitting in my tent at Green Man festival scrolling through other festivals while wearing the same pair of leggings I’d worn for three days because why sweat or pack more when it’s literally all anyone is going to see of you? Cue Florence Welch gracing the cover of LINE-up Magazine frolicking through the fields wearing floaty fabrics and dreamy flower crowns.
Girl please. HOW. Hunter Boots Look, I love Hunter boots as much as the next person but do you KNOW how terrible they are for festivaling in?
I’ll say it because no one ever talks about it on ‘Influencer friendly festival style guides’ – HUNTER BOOTS SUCK FOR FESTIVALS. They have zero cushioning so your feet hurt by the end of day one. They give you blisters.
And they’re so stiff and tall you basically can’t bend your ankles to walk normally. I learned that unfortunate lesson last year during Reading 2019. I had seen SO MANY celebrities and influencers wearing Hunter Boots to festivals that when I saw a cute pair in the sale before attending I immediately purchased them without thinking they’d actually be functional.
Spoiler: they weren’t. I could only walk in these stupid things by deploying the Tin Man walking technique and I was COVERED in band-aids by the end of day two. The thing that works for festivals?
NON-DESIGNER STURDY BOOTS. Whether that’s worn-in hiking boots or ugly dad trainers that everyone made fun of until everyone started wearing Uggs. You want shoes that can handle miles of walking around festivals sites, standing for hours at a time, and being covered in mud/dust/both.
Hair Oh festival hair. Every year there are YouTube tutorials teaching people how to recreate festival hair; lived in waves, complicated braids adorned with ribbons, glitter roots so sparkly they could be Barbie’s dream festival look. Newsflash – if you’re actually going to spend multiple days at a festival your hair is NOT going to look like that.
Seriously. Between the humidity, the sweat, and the fact that you’re probably fighting over one waterproof mirror with four other people in your camping group – there is literally no way your hair is going to look cute while you’re at a festival. Trust.
Me. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve even TRIED to make my hair cute on mornings spent at festivals. By lunchtime both of those hands are covered in markers I’ve used to tame my hair into some sort of topknot so I can go about my festival-y adventures.
Outfits Enough about hair. Outfits are just as unrealistic. Every single festival headliner seems to spend the weekend wearing the chicest vintage clothes.
Rare Metallica tees, high waisted Levi’s that actually fit them, flowing dresses that refuse to crease or look like they belong in the great outdoors. Newsflash again – festival outfits are about damage control. You wear what you don’t care about ruining because something is going to get ruined.
You know that vintage band tee you spent WAY too much money on off Depop? Leaving it at home. White jeans might as well be Disney caused because you WILL be covering them in mud.
Bring layers of dark jeans/black leggings, things that don’t show dirt, and a rain jacket that ACTUALLY keeps you dry instead ofjustlooks like it does. I learnt that lesson very early on during my festival-going days. I went to my first festival at 23 thinking I could pull off similar Coachella outfits I’d been pinning for the past few years.
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Well, guess what? I ended up laying in the grass crying when my glitter-ridden vape broke. Moral of the story: Festivals and I are not friends when it comes to delicateitems.
Don’t even get me started on the actual makeup lookups try and sell us. Glitter smudged eyeliner? PLEASE.
Glitter thats going to travel? Yeah no thanks. I once spent twenty minutes putting glitter eyeliner on before Latitude using real craft glitter and glue I’d ordered off Amazon months prior.
It looked amazing back in my tent at 9AM. Come festival time at noon, HALF of that glitter had found it’s way onto my cheeks and I was sweating glitter out of places that glitter should never be seen. I basically looked like someone threw glitter all over me.
If you’re actually going to a festival for more than just the Instagram posts, stop giving yourself unachievable goals. You’re not going to Cannes, you’re going to potentially be sweating in a field for multiple days. Keep your expectations – and your outfits/makeup – SIMPLE.
Simple= happy. Here’s what actually works for music festivals: BOOTS. DON’T WEAR BOOTS THAT YOU CAN’T FUNCTION IN. cute white trainers? those will be brown by noon. polaroid vans?
SO uncomfortable I would not recommend. You want boots that you’ve already worn in 10 times prior to the festival so they’ll actually feel like your feet are in them. Layers!
Temperatures change at festivals. Night turns into day. You go from standing in the pouring rain to inside a hot tent in seconds.
Dress in layers you can add and remove as the day goes on and don’t forget a lightweight jacket you can sling over your shoulder. Dark colours. Seriously.
Unless you’re ROCKING THE MUD like everyone’s favourite Drag Queen, dressing head to toe in dark items is your best bet at not looking like you rolled around in a dirt pit. Food! The worst.
Every year without fail I spend about an hour panic eating every granola bar I packed before the coach even leaves. Don’t be like me. Bring snacks, lots of snacks.
None of that healthy shit. Past Ramen noodles, biscuits, popcorn, cheese.. cheese always pairs great with music festivals and a buzz. Water.
DEHYDRATION IS REAL YOU GUYS. Especially if, like me, you’re prone to forgetting to drink water until it’s too late. Buy a reusable water bottle before you leave and make sure to drink from it religiously.
Listen to your body – if you’re feeling tired take a nap! If you’re hungry, GRAB A SANDWICH.
I love clothes.
I love makeup.
I love putting outfits together and showing off new clothes. But I refuse to let an item of clothing ruin my weekend.
Bring the same pair of jeans three days in a row? YES PLEASE. Throw on an old vest over a band tee nobody can see?
SIGN. ME. UP.
Bottom line: When you go to music festivals you aren’t going to care about your outfit half of the time. But when you do? You’ll be so grateful you dressed comfortably instead of trying to live up to some shitty Instagram standard nobody can actually reach.
