Four days until my cousin’s engagement thing and I’m standing in my own kitchen holding a green tea colored dress up to the light like it owes me an explanation. This color has been having a moment for about a year now and I still don’t fully trust it, it’s the kind of green that looks sophisticated in the group chat photo and slightly like hospital scrubs under the wrong bulb, and I’ve had both experiences with the same dress in one week.
One of us on this shop floor thinks the green tea dress is the most useful thing a woman can own for a summer of weddings, throw on sandals, throw on heels, done, no thinking required. Another one of us thinks it’s a color that only works on maybe four people in a hundred and everyone else is just going along with it because it photographed well on someone with better lighting than they’ll ever have. Both of these women work the same register. This disagreement has been going on for months and neither side is backing down, which honestly tells you more about the dress than any five star review would.
Here’s what actually makes something a pick versus just a pretty thing hanging there looking innocent. It’s not the color, color is a coin flip depending on your skin and how much sun you’ve had. It’s whether the thing survives being worn by an actual person doing actual things, and green tea dresses have one specific enemy nobody talks about, which is the bathroom situation.
You Might Also Like
Half of these come with a wrap tie or a full row of tiny buttons up the back, gorgeous in the mirror, absolutely useless after two glasses of wine at a reception when you need out of it in under ten seconds and instead you’re wrestling a bow behind your own back like you’re performing surgery on yourself. I’ve stood in a restaurant bathroom stall doing this exact dance and I will not be doing it again, so the ones that get my actual approval have a side zip or pull over your head, no negotiation.
As for what it pairs with, gold jewelry, always, silver makes the whole thing look a little sad and unfinished. A tan leather sandal works, a strappy heel works, but do not, and I mean this, do not put a busy printed cardigan over it thinking you’re being smart about temperature, you’ll end up looking like you got dressed twice and gave up in the middle. A plain white sneaker on the very casual end can work if you’re brave, though that’s the gamble pick, it’s going to look effortless on one specific kind of person and like you forgot to finish getting ready on everyone else.
I still haven’t decided which one’s coming with me Thursday. The debate at work continues, unresolved, probably permanently. Buy it for the wedding you actually have, not the one in the catalog photo, and check the zipper before you check the color.
